Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Raise a glass of (fat free) eggnog

Let’s be honest New Year’s resolutions are hard. We start with good intentions but the motivation seems to fizzle out. For me the reason it fizzles out is because I realize rather quickly how hard it is to make a life change and it’s much easier and more comfortable to stay the same.
This year I am making a list of the things that I really want to change. For some reason this year I feel a stronger push to change, perhaps it’s because 30 is creeping ever closer, maybe I’m growing up (eek).
The things I want to do this coming year are the things that are most important to me and things I have thought a lot about over this past year.

1. Lose 60 lbs. My main motivation, aside from vanity of course, is that I want to have another baby. I just have this urge and I’m terrified to try again when I am so unhealthy.
2. Finish my book. To be fair to myself, it’s mostly written but I have made some major plot changes and going back through the book to fix everything is a little frustrating and I’ve slacked off. My goal is to have a copy ready to send to the publisher by the first week of Septemeber.
3. Get out of debt. My husband and I have a plan that will get most if not all of our debt paid off by March 2012. My goal is to stay on track and be willing to make the sacrifices to pay off our debt so we can feel more secure and so we can get into a home.
4. Catch up on scrapbooking for the girls. I made a half-hearted effort some time ago to start a scrapbook for Emmy, I really want to get caught up. I enjoy the creative work and the quiet time to think, plus it will be something for the girls to have when they get old enough.
5. Have a better relationship with my family. I have let my relationships slide a lot over the last few years, mostly out of laziness. As I am getting older and as I watch my girls grow up I realize that I don’t want to miss out on that time, even if it’s just phone calls.
6. Engage my primary students. I remember when my mom taught seminary she always had these really cool things that helped us get into the lesson. I want my students to really be interested in what I am teaching. I have 8-11 year-olds so it’s been difficult to keep their attention but I want them to really learn. So I’ll be taking a page from my mom’s book and trying to make the lessons fun.
The list looks long and slightly intimidating but the one I really most worried about is losing weight, I have had this goal for years and though my desire has never been stronger I worry that I’ll get lazy again. I know I can be disciplined, it’s mostly mental. Perhaps a good hypnotist...?

Thursday, December 2, 2010

A new day

Yesterday we found out my youngest daughter has a form of epilepsy. According to the neurologist 80 percent of patients who are treated can outgrow it. But that is only if there isn't any other underlying conditions.
We started L on her meds this morning. She's been groggy and really cranky. I think maybe I should wait a few days to see if her body adjusts. I feel bad every time I give her the medicine like somehow I am pouring poison into her little body. I know that stopping the seizures is important but should it be at the expense of her sweet-nature? There is a diet that I have decided to look into.
I hadn't heard about it until I joined a support group but it can be just as effective as the medicine though it would take several weeks to notice a difference. I wish I had known before we started the medicine.
This is all very confusing and scary for me, let alone L. I watched her this morning in the midst of her tantrums and it felt like she didn't know how to stop herself from freaking out.
I know the Lord will bless us if we have faith. I just hope her little body can handle it while we figure this out.