Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Raise a glass of (fat free) eggnog

Let’s be honest New Year’s resolutions are hard. We start with good intentions but the motivation seems to fizzle out. For me the reason it fizzles out is because I realize rather quickly how hard it is to make a life change and it’s much easier and more comfortable to stay the same.
This year I am making a list of the things that I really want to change. For some reason this year I feel a stronger push to change, perhaps it’s because 30 is creeping ever closer, maybe I’m growing up (eek).
The things I want to do this coming year are the things that are most important to me and things I have thought a lot about over this past year.

1. Lose 60 lbs. My main motivation, aside from vanity of course, is that I want to have another baby. I just have this urge and I’m terrified to try again when I am so unhealthy.
2. Finish my book. To be fair to myself, it’s mostly written but I have made some major plot changes and going back through the book to fix everything is a little frustrating and I’ve slacked off. My goal is to have a copy ready to send to the publisher by the first week of Septemeber.
3. Get out of debt. My husband and I have a plan that will get most if not all of our debt paid off by March 2012. My goal is to stay on track and be willing to make the sacrifices to pay off our debt so we can feel more secure and so we can get into a home.
4. Catch up on scrapbooking for the girls. I made a half-hearted effort some time ago to start a scrapbook for Emmy, I really want to get caught up. I enjoy the creative work and the quiet time to think, plus it will be something for the girls to have when they get old enough.
5. Have a better relationship with my family. I have let my relationships slide a lot over the last few years, mostly out of laziness. As I am getting older and as I watch my girls grow up I realize that I don’t want to miss out on that time, even if it’s just phone calls.
6. Engage my primary students. I remember when my mom taught seminary she always had these really cool things that helped us get into the lesson. I want my students to really be interested in what I am teaching. I have 8-11 year-olds so it’s been difficult to keep their attention but I want them to really learn. So I’ll be taking a page from my mom’s book and trying to make the lessons fun.
The list looks long and slightly intimidating but the one I really most worried about is losing weight, I have had this goal for years and though my desire has never been stronger I worry that I’ll get lazy again. I know I can be disciplined, it’s mostly mental. Perhaps a good hypnotist...?

Thursday, December 2, 2010

A new day

Yesterday we found out my youngest daughter has a form of epilepsy. According to the neurologist 80 percent of patients who are treated can outgrow it. But that is only if there isn't any other underlying conditions.
We started L on her meds this morning. She's been groggy and really cranky. I think maybe I should wait a few days to see if her body adjusts. I feel bad every time I give her the medicine like somehow I am pouring poison into her little body. I know that stopping the seizures is important but should it be at the expense of her sweet-nature? There is a diet that I have decided to look into.
I hadn't heard about it until I joined a support group but it can be just as effective as the medicine though it would take several weeks to notice a difference. I wish I had known before we started the medicine.
This is all very confusing and scary for me, let alone L. I watched her this morning in the midst of her tantrums and it felt like she didn't know how to stop herself from freaking out.
I know the Lord will bless us if we have faith. I just hope her little body can handle it while we figure this out.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Straight up

Heeding the advice of my very fashion conscious sister I bought my first pair of straight leg jeans. I have to tell you this was a scary purchase for me. I am pretty paranoid about my clothes. I don't like how I look and dressing any way that would draw attention to me makes me nauseated. Nevertheless since both pair of jeans had holes in the knees I figured now would be as good a time as any to jump.
On Saturday I put them on with a relatively cute blouse and attempted to wear them with boots.
I should mention I have to buy short jeans usually, I don't consider myself short but apparently jean companies do. They didn't have any straight-legs in short so I bough regular. So when I put the boots on my jeans bunched up . They looked stupid! I don't know if it's the boots of the jeans but I decided I'll only be wearing these pants with heels.
I'm a once a week heels girl. I wear them to church and that's about it. So slipping them on and heading out to go shopping was not my wisest decision. Halfway through our night out I was dying to yank my shoes off but I was a little afraid that if I took them off my feet would swell and I would have to walk around barefoot the rest of the night. (Come to think of it that might have been preferable to heel hell.)
My husband said I looked fine, but as I mentioned in a previous post I pay little heed to his editorial comments on my wardrobe since he asks me all the time if I have already done my makeup, when I have only been out of the shower long enough to put clothes on.
I need to start taking photos of my little adventures. I'll work on that.

My challenge this week is a Facebook Fast. I am giving it up for a week. I spend more time than I care to admit on facebook. It's enough that I need a break so I can get my priorities back in line. I have a lot of goals and dreams but I can't get anything done with my rear glued to the chair. I don't trust myself to stay off though, so I'll be taking some extreme measures- new password known only by the husband.

I have been going to the gym with my husband and I have started reading several interesting books about health. I am enjoying my workouts too! I kicked off a six week plan today to eat as natural as possible with a daily workout regimen. I am sure to make mistakes but it's written down and posted for me to see everyday. I'll keep you updated!

Monday, September 13, 2010

Lesson Learned

I have a pretty short fuse. It doesn't take much before I am stomping around with smoke coming out of my ears and fire shooting out of my nose. Really, it's quite ridiculous. I don't handle stress well I just melt down and can't function.
This morning I was working on an article that I need to turn in by tomorrow. I also have a writing sample I should have submitted a week ago and a coverletter. Plus I need to refinish my book,clean the house, pay bills and a hundred other menial tasks. Of course as soon as I start working on something important is the minute my girls need a drink or food or they want to watch a movie. After a few minutes of successfully ignoring them E started a full-on tantrum. I flipped out. Stomped into the kitchen and filled her cup with water and yelled the whole way that I needed to work could I please have a few minutes to myself. The only thing this accomplished was sending my other daughter into fits. Pretty soon both kids were screaming at the top of their lungs and I was yelling at them to "Please be quiet, you're driving me insane." Sometime during Hurricane Brown I had a moment of clarity. If someone walked by outside they would surely call the police. I needed to end this party, and fast. So I flipped on my playlist and cranked up a Hannah Montana song (please don't judge that I can sing almost all of the words.) Within seconds both kids were laughing at my boogying skills and started dancing. We spent the next few minutes blowing off steam on the dance floor and by time we were finished we were all a happier bunch of people.
In retrospect I realized that my kids wanted my attention. Taking a few minutes to make them smile and have some fun with mommy will buy me a lot more than the money I am going to make with my articles. I need to work but I also need my kids to know that I love them. I realized that if, instead of flipping out in a moment of stress, I take a few moments to focus on the problem and tried to address the immediate problem we'd all be a little less crazy.

Friday, September 10, 2010

After While Crocodile

It's been far too long since I have written on here. I apologize. August was a heck of a month. I had oral surgery and it took several weeks for me to fully recooperate from the effects of surgery. Things are going better now. My husband and I have come up with a schedule so that we can workout together three days a week. I am really excited about it. We have worked out together once and I actually enjoyed it.

I am working on a writing business from home. It's a little stressfull and I find it difficult to get a lot done and spend time with the girls, but I am managing ok so far.

To be truthful my project has slipped a bit. But I am back from my lazycation and I am really ready to get started. I have found myself thinking a lot about being happy lately. I came to the conclusion that the thing that makes me happiest is spending time with my family. If I had no debt and the resources to do whatever I wanted I would use the money to spend time with my family. Use it to go on vacations. I have decided that will be my new motivation. If I get healthier I can do more things with the kids. If the house is more organized I'll have more time to spend with the family. I believe I have truly found my motivation. Here's to new beginnings again.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

No S Sherlock

Some time back I tried this diet called the No S diet. Basically: No Seconds, No Snacks, No Sweets except on S days (Saturday, Sunday and special days.) It's not that hard and I don't know why I stopped doing it. I think I started cheating and after that it was small steps to abandoning it entirely.
I have decided however that this is going to be the simplist way for me to start eating healthy. I'm adjusting it and only doing no seconds and no sweets. I feel like not allowing myself to at least snack on fruits and veggies is going to be overkill for me. So here's to redos and THANK HEAVENS we have redos.
Life has been a bit stressful and my idea behind this blog and motivation has waned a bit. In the last few days I have been aching to get back on track. I truly believe that if somebody really really wants something they'll get it somehow.
It goes without saying that I really really want to be healthy and skinny. Yes my faithful readers I want to be skinny. I realize it seems vain compared to just wanting to be healthy, but in some skewed part of my mind I think I'll be happy if I'm skinny.
What am I going to do if when I get to skinny I'm still not happy? Probably get rich. If beauty can't make me happy, surely money can... right?
I really do want to lose weight and be healthy. I would like to have another child, but I refuse to get pregnant again while I'm so worried that I'll have more complications and being overweight makes those complications all the more likely.
I need a change and I know that taking back my body will allow me to change for the better.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Hodge Podge

Today has been a good day. I feel like I have actually accomplished a few things. I made a list and pretty much finished it, I still have several hours left in the day so my odds of completing my tasks are pretty good.

One thing I did was organize a beauty binder. I get Self magazine and a few others. I like many of the articles so I have kept the magazines stacked around. I decided to tear out articles and such from ideas from cooking to working out to beauty and skin care. I'm looking forward to adding more articles and tips.

The topic I really want to work on is getting my insides to quiet down. I feel so stressed and anxious and angry all the time. I hate it. I need to figure out a way to step out and calm down so I stop losing my temper with the girls all the time. I know scripture study and prayer will help a lot if I could just get my rear in gear. I am interested in learning about some other types of meditation as well if any one knows any that would be interesting to study let me know. Maybe it's just me but I swear there are days that I hate being a stay-at-home mom. Does that make me a terrible person? To be fair most days of the week I have an extra child I care for and he's a handfull. I hate admiting it out loud because I feel like people will think I am horrible. But, I love my kids and I love seeing things that I know I would miss if I wasn't home. I guess, I don't always feel fulfilled as a mom and I am hoping this project will help me explore activites I can do that will help.

Many people don't know I have taken about 6 years of Spanish. 1 in jr high 2 in highschool and four college courses. I still can't speak it. I can read some and remember a fair amount. I gave up though because the grammar was so stinking hard. I don't want that learning to go to waste so I have decided to work on flash cards. I will start with one tense and a few vocab words a week. I remember a decent amount so studying on my own for a while should suffice. I am really excited about doing this and hopefully my espanol will be muy bueno soon.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Hairy Situation

After having been told on several occasions by my sweet sister that I need to wax my eyebrows I decided to have a go at it myself.
I hate plucking with a vengence. So while spending my birthday money on nail polish, lipstick and a new purse I tossed in an eyebrow shaping kit. Basically it's little strips of plastic shaped like eyebrows that you stick to your face, rub in the direction of hair growth and then rip off in the opposite direction.
Above the eyebrow isn't too bad. Pulling the strip from the area closet to your eye is akin to ripping the skin off the bone. Youch!!
I actually didn't do bad, I only tore off a partial eyebrow, but you can hardly tell... at least my husband says you can't. Of course this is coming from the man who told me (and I quote) "No, I don't think you're fat, that doesn't mean you're not, I just don't think you are"
Maybe I should get my sister's opinion.

I honestly haven't been doing all that great with my goals. I have cooked most meals though, we have only eaten out once this month (I promise you this is a record) and I have been spending more time with the girls and I have been really good about forgoing the slouching in my pajamas all day look.

I found a fun website I found (check the links I like in the sidebar) that has a recipe for face paint. It's WAY easy and fun. The girls loved it and Em made me paint her stomach and hands too.

This week: Make it to the gym four times. Have sit down meals every day and stop eating after 8 p.m. Also I NEVER take my makeup off at night (I know: terrible for the skin right) so I am making a goal to have a specific nightly routine to make sure I am washing my face, flossing etc every night. Hopefully I'll see some results with clearer skin.

Monday, June 7, 2010

A stong foundation

This last week I challenged myself to wear foundation at least three times. It may sound silly but I avoid foundation like the plague. I'm not comfortable applying it and I am always worried I'll end up looking like a 13-year old girl who's wearing too much makeup and doesn't realize it. If truth be told I avoided eyeliner until a few years ago because I was afraid I'd look like a hooker.I think too much about what I MIGHT look like or what other people MIGHT think, I know. I'm working on it.
I have worn foundation before but someone else has always applied it. So this week I did it myself and noone said anything to me or looked at me like I was a freak, which I took as a good sign. The only comment my husband made was that I actually looked like I was wearing makeup! (This wasn't an insult we've discussed it on more than one occasion and he says he can't ever tell I'm wearing makeup)
The foundation I used was light and didn't feel heavy. I felt like my makeup applied much easier and more evenly. I have freckles which I like and my only complaint is that it covered them up and I don't know if I like that. I don't think I am going to wear foundation every day but perhaps when I am feeling like looking especially good.

My other goal was to focus on being more in the moment. I did OK with this goal. Instead of always thinking about what I need to do or would rather be doing I try to focus on what I am doing,especially when I am playing with the girls. I still need a lot of work but I found myself enjoying things more and finding more humor in things the girls did or said because I was actually paying attention to them. The big solution for me is to have a schedule. When I'm not working on something I need to put it on the back burner and out of my head so I can focus on what is important at that moment.

This week I found some recipes on the internet and I hit the grocery store Saturday night. Our fridge is not stuffed with fruits and lots of veggies. I found several healthy dinner recipes and I am going to try a different one every night. This really meets both areas I am trying to improve: Healthy eating is good for the woman me and having a hot meal cooked and on the table is a big plus mark in the mommy and wife category.

My other goal is to plan a fun and different activity to do with the girls each day. I want to have more quality, organized time with them. It will help me in their teaching and it'll be fun. Look for pictures of this weeks adventures in the next few days.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Beginning of a new me

A few nights ago I was sitting in front of the computer wasting time while my kids and my husband were quietly sleeping. As I sat there I had the thought that I was wasting my life.
I love my family and I realize how important they are to me, I honestly don't know what I would do if I didn't have them, but I don't act grateful.
I am also grateful to be a woman, but I don't act like it.
Instead of focusing on the important things in life I focus on things that aren't important. Maybe it's some emotional problem, I don't really know. I do know that I don't like who I am becoming and I don't like where my life is going.
So I hatched a plan. Really it was a thought, a small seed, but this thought struck very powerfully. I grabbed a pen and jotted down some notes so I wouldn't forget and went to bed.
For the last week or so I have been working a plan over in my head and jotting some notes. I named my plan: Project Princess-Mommy.

OBJECTIVE: To become a better mother and a better woman
I still haven't worked out all of the details but here are the basics of my 3-month project.

PROJECT DATE: June 1,2010-September 1, 2010

PROJECT DESCRIPTION: I will achieve a state of fulfillment by focusing my energy on becoming a better wife and mother and a better woman. I will do this by making smaller goals, but by no means easy goals. My hope is that this project will be fun and eye-opening.

I love to read and play games. But I spend far too much time dinking around on the Internet or getting lost in a book.
My plan is an intensive three-month schedule. I am hoping that by putting myself on a schedule and sticking to it, most of the time at least, I will be able to change my habits.
I want my girls to spend more time learning and playing. I will make this easier by planning time for teaching in my schedule.
The basic gist of the Wife and Mother portion of the project is reprogramming me into a mini- June Cleaver. I know it sounds extreme but I also know my personality. I need a drastic change. I am going to focus on my family and I'm going to do it in style.

WOMAN: I love being a woman. I love feeling girly but I don't take very good care of myself. This part of my plan is going to be fun fun fun, mostly. I am overweight because I don't eat well and I don't exercise. So the simple solution: Schedule in exercise and plan my meals. This will help with the mommy part of the project too (hot meals are easier to prepare when you have a plan).
This next week my husband and I are going to revamp our diet. We want to try to eat as natural as possible for a month. While I won't completely cut out processed food we are going to focus on fresh fruits and vegetables, fish, chicken and whole grains. Say goodbye Dr. Pepper (diet too!) and ho-hos.
To motivate myself to exercise I am going to train for a 10k. It's going to take 6 months probably before I can even hope to do most of a 10k, but I really want to do this.
The fun part of this woman plan is makeup and pampering. I have never been high-maintenance or frilly or particularly active in pampering myself. In the past I have never felt close to the women who can really do their makeup.
I am going to practice and adopt a rich-woman attitude. I won't be going bankrupt doing this project but I want to see how it feels to REALLY take care of my body. I want to feel like one of those women who are completely pulled together, classy and orderly.
By no means to I expect this to be easy. I am looking forward to the challenge. I also realize that we all have problems and just because I try to change my life doesn't mean I won't have set backs and other issues. I know I will, but I hope by really changing myself I will find an inner peace and I will be able to have a stronger relationship with my family and God.
I will continue to update this blog over the next several months. I will have weekly goals and more long term goals. Keep coming back to see how I am doing. Feel free to comment and tell me about your experiences!!