Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Un-professional liars

Names have been changed to protect the unskilled liars

The burning question this week: When did children become such terrible liars? Just the other night Em was sitting in the living room with some paper. I simply asked what she was doing, out of plain curiosity. She quickly shoved her hands behind her back and yelled- "I'm just coloring. I'm not using scissors- I promise." Which of course, she was. Never mind that if she'd just asked I would have let her use them. If she had just said "coloring" I would have gone back to what I was doing, none-the-wiser.

Today a boy I am babysitting, we'll call him Thomas, and Em were playing in their room. They completely trashed it. The book drawers were empty, toys were strewn from wall to wall and the stuffed-animal net was empty (AGAIN!). So I asked them to clean it up. They were not allowed to watch a movie until it was finished.

An hour later Thomas comes to me and asks for something to drink. I told him they could have a snack, including a drink, when the room was clean. He said OK and disappeared into the abyss of toyland. A few minutes later he returns and tells me he has to go to the bathroom, sensing he was just avoiding helping I asked him to finish cleaning first. To which he begins dancing and whining dramatically while grabbing himself. "But I'll pee my underwear."

Well, obviously I wasn't about to have him pee all over the house, or himself, so I unlocked the door (we have a 2-year-old endlessly emptying the medicine cabinet so it stays locked). A minute or so later I hear the toilet flush and the sink come on. He leaves, shuts the door and goes back into the bedroom.

Our apartment is rather small, I can hear everything from practically anywhere. I hear him start laughing- and mind you he didn't wait until he was even all the way in the bedroom before he began gloating- "Hahaa. I fooled her Em. I didn't even go potty. I just got a drink."

Again, he yelled his lie so loud because.....??? I am really rather confused. I remember when I was younger thinking I was brilliant because I got away with so many things. Mom never knew I was lying. As I got older she mentioned that she could always tell we were lying. I secretly believed she was just saying that to feel better about not catching all of my lies.

I am starting to realize however that maybe I was never a very good liar. Maybe no kids are ever very good liars until the grow up a little. They really don't know how to lie! How would it be if we never taught them?

Monday, August 22, 2011

Life is a scream

I have discovered that I spend A LOT of time losing it. Really. It's ridiculous. Our apartment has a hallway that runs along the back with the living room and kitchen on either end and an entrance in the front connects the living room and kitchen. This makes a giant circle, or if you are my kids a conveniently located jogging track.
All day every day they are zooming around in circles like little hamsters, dodging the pile of toys, shoes and anything else that has managed to attach itself to the floor.
I know this is going to happen and yet I still blow a cork every time they run around the corner.

I know I should be grateful. In the winter I don't even have to take them outside. I just strap a backpack full of 10 pound weights to their backs and make them do laps. It's basically the equivalent of dragging a sled up a snowy hill and I don't have to tag along behind them. If that gets boring I can tell Elizabeth to climb in the laundry basket and watch Emmy drag her around in circles. It's just like sledding, without the bumps and bruises and without the cold. When they are all hot and sweaty and ready to collapse I graciously remove the backpacks, hand them a cup of hot chocolate and applaud my ingenuity.

For some reason in the summer I just can't justify loading backpacks full of weight. Our swamp cooler works well enough to take the temperature in our apartment from 115 degrees to a balmy 102,and I don't want to worry about heat stroke. Needless to say I find the running rather distracting and rather irritating.

However, I decided that I need to let the little things go and apparently this is a little thing, at least in the scheme of things. The trick is to stuff ear phones in and listen to the Glee soundtracks full volume. You can't even hear them screaming when they hit a corner!

Glee can make anything better. If you don't believe me, the next time you are in a boring meeting slip in your ear phones and zone out to the sultry beat of Don't Stop Believing. Way more entertaining than whatever your boss, husband or anyone else has to say. And you too can get over the little things because you don't have to listen to them!

Now, in case anyone takes me seriously, I really only use 5lb weights in the backpacks, so no worries my children are in safe hands.