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It's hard. It's short but it's hard. So I should be proud that I've managed to stick it out for two full weeks and I have enough motivation left to keep going into week three. I should be happy that I've lost almost four pounds in the last two weeks without starving myself.
I've made small changes (like actually eating breakfast) and opting for healthier dinners. It really hasn't been nearly has painful as I thought it would be. But instead of being excited after I got through my workout today, I was bummed. I just kept thinking, 'What if I'm not doing enough?" "I'm not working hard enough."
It's like this constant battle in my head. I know I'm making good changes and I know I didn't get fat overnight so I'm not going to get healthy overnight either. I know there are more things I can do to be even healthier, and I am working on it. But, it's still so easy to belittle myself and my efforts. It's really hard to keep that Nasty Nelly voice out of my head.
Maybe I'm not perfect yet but I'm trying. I feel like part of the reason I (and maybe other women too) keep losing this weight battle is because we are setting our expectations too high and we don't give ourselves enough credit for what we can do. It's just so much easier to berate ourselves for not being good enough than to actually be proud of ourselves for doing something so seemingly small.
My mom made a comment about this earlier that stuck with me, she said that our brain learns habits. It retains things we repeat (like tying our shoes and feeding ourselves). When we repeat an action often enough it becomes lodged in our brain. These repetitive processes can actually change our brain. So if I've been telling myself I'm not good enough or not doing enough often enough (and I can assure you I have), my brain actually thinks it's true. I don't know if I can ever fully reverse the damage of lousy self-esteem, but I'm pretty sure I can repair the damage.
I'm making a goal to replace all of my negative thoughts with a positive one. So when I think, "Well, that was a great 25 minute workout, but you should probably be doing something more," I'll replace it with "I got through that 25 minute workout and I am still standing. Hot damn."
Do you have any tricks to staying positive?
I think what might help you, Annie is if you give yourself a break. From this moment forward and for the next 24 hours stop saying anything negative about yourself. You have beat yourself up so much about your weight you don't believe anything you do will be good enough. Stop those thoughts as soon as they start. Replace them with something you like about yourself. Do you recall me telling you to write something you love about yourself on your wrist? try that right now and every time you say a negative thought look at your wrist. Remind yourself how awesome God has made you. We are ALL born the same. Pure and Perfect. People define us by what we see and hear as little children. Being bullied or picked on, seeing things on TV, teachers, parents, they all turn us away from those pure little children. But you are still there pure and beautiful. Remember the world must have opposites so we know good from evil, light from dark. We have to have both to be whole. Accept the shortcomings you have and you will finally let go of the limitations you have set on yourself. Love yourself totally. The good with the bad. They both are what make you a complete amazing person Love you, Mom
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